pain & suffering.

laying on the couch, still in excruciating pain and illness since a medical emergency on saturday - my mom askes me during our movie "bamboo in winter", "why do good people have to suffer??? be tortured? sick? why can't the earth just swallow up every cruel person???" i carefully tried to stretch stiff and sore bones to reach the dvd remote to pause our movie.

pause.

i was prepared to answer her question. i was not prepared for what my answer would bring but i am so grateful for it...

now i know and believe that every answer can be found in the Bible. the Bible holds the first word and the last word. it is solid, flawless, the honest truth and can't be changed. it is what it is.

my mind instantly jumped to these 2 deeply-planted-in-my-heart-scriptures when mom upsetting asked why good people suffer. keep in mind this was asked while watching a movie about how some Christians are persecuted, beaten, tortured and killed for their walk with God.

John 15: 18 and John 15:20 - here is the entire passage:

The World Hates the Disciples

¹⁸"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. ¹⁹If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. ²⁰Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. ²¹They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me.²²If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin. Now, however, they have no excuse for their sin. ²³He who hates me hates my Father as well. ²⁴If I had not done among them what no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. But now they have seen these miracles, and yet they have hated both me and my Father. ²⁵But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: 'They hated me without reason.'

²⁶"When the Counselor comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father, he will testify about me. ²⁷And you also must testify, for you have been with me from the beginning.

she seemed to be able to rest her worry after that. later on i began to think of my situation. mom has been really concerned and crying for me and everything i have been going through the last few days. i have never been this ill or in as much pain before. i am seeing my doctors this week for medical testing to figure out what is going on. satan has been trying to rip my faith. however, after answering mom's question i have come to a spiritual conclusion - as if the Holy Spirit blew a gushing rushing wind of HOPE back into my heart. i am left spiritually refreshed and renewed! healed! restored! i come believe and receiving again. thank you Lord in advance! i leave you all with these 4 strong points:

point # 1 - if i think i have it bad think about how then i must remember how bad Jesus had it on earth and on the Cross.

point # 2 - on the cross Jesus's last sentences of His last seven were "Then Jesus, calling out with a loud voice, said, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!” And having said this he breathed his last." Luke 23:46 --- In the same humble way do I want to commit my spirit, body, mind, soul, everything to Christ while living here on earth and as He decides my time is up (which I hope is not for a long long long time, smile).

point # 3 - Jesus said to Simon Peter during His third visit post resurrection and after Jesus had declared how Simon Peter was going to die to glorify the Lord: John 25:21 - Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” this brought COMFORT to my hurting soul and aching body.

point # 4 - after all those soft spiritual slaps, or Holy wake up calls, i noticed an entirely new outlook on my health situtation. i said, and am saying, to my Lord, "Father, please continue to use me as You will and if that means suffering on my end and allowing illness on my end in order for You to heal me and restore me through Your might works than i must accept this and endure it." ... my prayer says it ALL.

so i must keep faith strong and know that whatever feels wrong is a test, a challenge, endurance - for nothing i will ever go through can be compared to what Christ went through for me.

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21

psalm 86

This Psalm was so beautiful I just had to post the entire passage. May God's love surround you all each and every day! Every new day is a gift, treat it special. God loves you : ) and one day all of His loyal believers will rest with Him in Heaven. Until then, walk by faith & give honor to God!

Your Brother in Christ,

* Johnny *

Psalm 86 (NIV)

A prayer of David.

¹ Hear, O LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.

² Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.
You are my God; save your servant
who trusts in you.

³ Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I call to you all day long.

⁴ Bring joy to your servant,
for to you, O Lord,
I lift up my soul.

⁵ You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.

⁶ Hear my prayer, O LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.

⁷ In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me.

⁸ Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.

⁹ All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, O Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.

¹⁰ For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.

¹¹ Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.

¹² I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.

¹³ For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

¹⁴ The arrogant are attacking me, O God;
a band of ruthless men seeks my life—
men without regard for you.

¹⁵ But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

¹⁶ Turn to me and have mercy on me;
grant your strength to your servant
and save the son of your maidservant.

¹⁷ Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

HeArT tO HeArT: Your Sunday question...

What are you grateful to God for today??? Give Him gratitude & glory!!!

Michael W. Smith

If his picture hasn't caught your eye then his voice surely will. This is Michael W. Smith and he is one of my new favorite music artists.

I have been praying to God to lead me to some CLEAN CHRISTIAN music. I have given up a lot of music for God from old time underground dirty rap to loud, boisterous, screaming angry feminist riot grrrl music. I recently came across Michael's music and was deeply moved. I have heard some of his songs before but did not know who he was until I found him on You Tube.

I am HOOKED. What a beautiful and talented man of God! His lyrics linger, sounds soothe the soul and you can feel his love and dedication to God as he sings from the heart.

I am on his website now: http://www.michaelwsmith.com/ and you can also keyword search his name on You Tube for amazing song videos! I am so making a playlist of him right now : )

Glory to God for blessing us all with special talents to share with the world.

Heart to Heart: Your question...

What talents has God blessed you with? Whatever they may be, embrace them! Give God glory!

bleeding.

Today I am bleeding, patiently pleading, longing & needing... the purification of Christ; a complete healing, forever feeling, layers unpeeling, direction yielding, mending & sealing through the Hands of God.

At the Feet of my Master I feel small, innocent, humble, helpless and I know that when I stand before Him I fall, I surrender. I bow as I bleed, patiently plead, long and need. I am lost without Him. I owe it all to Him. I know nothing without Him. He is my Teacher, I am His student. He is my Father, I am His son. In God's Will I am the son I was meant to become and He wants me to be free now, happy now, healthy now, to just BE now - His son, the one I was meant and made to become.

Covered in Christ's blood, living inside of me, together now we are bleeding and through Him I am succeeding because I am believing and receiving while grieving and achieving. Let me fall for you Lord, jump off this unknown mountain top, feel the wind beneath my wings and have faith that before I hit the ground I will land in your Hands. Let this be called a leap of faith, let this be called a leap of recovery when true healing happens not through medicine or man or the world but through God, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

The only death I wish to see is the death of the evil that binds me.

Amen.