movement.

i took the long way home today after a well needed visit to the cemetery to visit my Dad and pray for peace over the recent death of my Grandma. i don't deal well with death. i never have. however, i am calling on the Lord over Grandma's death to create contentment in the non-contentment of our closure. i am glad she can rest now and just want her to know i forgive, forget and love her (always have).

i know that whenever i chose to take the long way hope i am making a choice to treat my eyes to sights i know will bring me joy. some are the same and expected while others are new and surprising. today i was blessed with the beauty of... prideful persimmon trees, leafs still shades of autumn, a mohawk man trooping his tractor, all the pretty-pull over and pick me up please-prickly pine cones (i now regret not pulling over to collect some for holiday crafting!), a woman ready to herd up the horses... gorgeous animals given to us from God for companionship like the horses, a curious little black squirrel, a pack of 5 cows walking in a perfect line... i wondered if they were a family traveling. i thought of the three wise men. i thought of movement.

do you realize we are constantly moving? even if you are laying down you are still moving - your heart, lungs, brain, etc. - life is one long cycle of consistent movement. the earth is moving and you are moving with it.

driving and thinking. the cars next to me were moving - where were they going? the cows were close and disciplined, moving at the same steady pace - where were they going? were these people and animals moving to meet their needs?and what are their needs? what are your needs? what are mine? are they being met? not quite. no. not nearly enough.

i am making it a goal right now at this point of my life to ask the Lord what my need are and how He can help me meet them better.

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded." James 4:8

everything is off balance. my life is a series of senseless somersaults.

"For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.” Jeremiah 31:25

i was recently given the Maslow hierarchy of needs chart. i remember it from psychology class. it's pretty spot on. it really has me thinking about my needs. my physiological living needs are the most important right now. i function on very little due to neglecting-my-needs. i am starting to feel like a latch key kid in my own body and it's my own fault. it's just not right and i'm beginning to see and feel this. before it didn't really matter but the Lord is opening my eyes as i go to Him for guidance by preparing a path for US.

picture of a good Maslow need chart:

http://www.teacherstoolbox.co.uk/T_earning_clip_image001.gif

current scripture kick:

John replied in the words of Isaiah the prophet, "I am the voice of one calling in the desert, 'Make straight the way for the Lord." - John 1:23

what a powerful and profound statement... make straight the way for the Lord - yes! change through Christ requires teamwork. it's not a one way street. God is willing but we must be too.

in closing, Paul's prayer for the Ephesians... Ephesians 3:14-19

"14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family^a in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

life's little treasures.

Life's Little Treasures.

It's time for a fun review of my current top 5 little pleasures... my favorite treats & therapeutic treasures!

I have diving into deserving by indulging in self affirming & spoiling. I wanted to share what I've found helpful in keeping me happy & healed. Little treasures really can be big treasures to us. Here are my current favorite five:

1. The Bible: God's Word is the first word, the last word and really the ONLY Word. I consider the Bible our guidebook to life! Bible readings and studies bring me so much comfort through Christ. The Bible has become my favorite thing to read and turn to in need (prayer, communication with God and Bible reading for guidance, help & change). I love when Scriptures move me, like really JOLT me with Jesus's direction. I keep a Bible in different rooms of my house, as well as in my car. You can never have enough Bibles! Stock up and spread them wide. You never know when you will need it and keeping them in various places really helps in handy! Special Scripture share: Ephesians 4:29 ~ " ²⁹ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

2. Owen's Acre Loose Leaf Herbal Teas: Local (for me in California), organic, dried tea herbs from an herbalist who grows her own herbs on her herb farm and carefully handcrafts the finest of teas (and a profound plethora of fabulous bath, body & home products + gifts galore - but this review will be for her teas). I had never gotten into homemade tea making until a few months ago when I started to learn more about the benefits of fresh and freshly dried herbs for medicinal purposes. I have always been a big fan of herbal healing but with health crisis it can be hard for me to get well needed nutrients due to digestion and malabsorption problems. Healing herbs to the rescue! Herbal teas are not only comforting & soothing but also potent and precise for problems. I grow my own herbs and juice them or now make teas from them but what I can't or don't grow I trust Owen's Acres to help out! I stocked up on enough herbs/loose teas (and a few special bath and body/etc. gifts) to last me all winter long with much to share with Mom! I even bought my Mom and I matching heart tea strainers! Owen's Acres is your COMPLETE holiday hook up for gift giving. You will find an ABUNDANCE of gorgeous gifts for the mind, body and soul. My favorite tea so far? It's so hard to choose but I have found great healing in the "Colon and Liver Cleanse Tea" & "Headache & Migraine Tea", which have been lifesavers in time of need! Ps. I must add, the owner, Laura, is extremely helpful with answering questions and giving advice and instructions. We did some email tag since I am new to tea making and have been a raw foodist for over 6 years now with a non heat policy that I was willing to stretch for tea purposes only. She instructed me on how to make both hot tea and sun tea to keep the tea RAW. She is prompt with response and happy to help. Check out: http://www.owensacres.com

3. Christian Movie Nights ala Netflix: My most relaxing evenings consist of a candle lit living room, a fresh rip roaring fire that heats up the house nice and toast, elevation for my feet as I lay back on my comfy couch and pop in a Christian Netflix! My movie interests have really changed since walking stronger with the Lord. I try to fill my mind with more holy movies now and to my surprise Netflix actually has a splendid selection. My Netflix subscription is a real gift right now for clean Christian movie nights, alone with Dante or cheerful company with Mom. Prices aren't bad either. Last rental? "Welcome to Paradise" Heartfelt and warming, I highly recommend. Check out: http://www.netflix.com/

4. Aromotherapy Oils, Diffusers & Candles: Two words: DOLLAR TREE! A month ago I bought some little oil diffusers from the Dollar Tree because I was curious to see if they really administer aroma-THERAPY for the senses. Wow, was I in for a surprise. These little babies burn rubber, ha! Seriously, I have been enjoying using my aromatherapy diffusers and special oils on a daily basis. My entire room gets FILLED with scent in about 1 minute flat. The diffusers I have are small and run by little tea lights but do a not so little job. They are power workers and should be getting paid overtime. Wink. I have a growing collection of oils that I use depending on my need that day... maybe it's sleeptime, sinus, relaxation, invigoration - you name it and there is an oil or oil blend to keep your inhales in alignment with healing help! I also included scented candles here but they light up my home and heart! I just love them! The best thing about the Dollar Tree is that EVERYTHING IS ONLY A DOLLAR so you can stock up good & plenty on diffusers, aromatherapy oils and candles! Last scent burned? Ocean Breeze - smells like men's body wash and very refreshing. My current bedside candles are Pear Spice, perfect for this season. I get them at a discount grocery store in big jars and on the cheap. The hot thing about candles is that you can find good deals on them just about anywhere you go. The Dollar Tree is your one stop shop for smelly scents! Check out: http://www.dollartree.com

5. Bee Soaps: locally made with love soaps (bath and body care, raw backyard harvest honey, pillar beeswax candles, fun soap and lip balm making classes, bee services, etc) that don't leave a residue but instead spread like Heaven and smell like it too. A few Sundays ago on my way home from the Farmer's Market I saw a little sign that read "Local Raw Honey" with an arrow pointing toward to the right. I didn't stop and regret came afterwards. I then looked for it the next week but didn't see the sign out... Well, this week my local Farmer's Market was out of my special creamed raw honey and so I took the back roads to see if I might see this honey sign again. I was in luck! I saw the sign and carefully followed other signs until I pulled up to a flower filled and cheery home with a table display of raw honey, soaps, lotions and eventually lip balms I had the owner bring out. I was greeted by a lovely lady with a New Zealand accent who was delighted to tell me about her homemade treasures! I grabbed me a nice sized jar of raw honey and became enthralled with the intoxicating scents of her soaps. WOW! They smelled delicious. I couldn't decide which one to buy but settled on an exfoliating rose soap that doesn't smell like old lady rose but like a fresh rose petal - delicate and sweet. She uses all natural ingredients, including honey, in her products. I was given 4 soap samples and I will honestly admit I have never washed myself more in my life since my purchase and freebies. It's almost become and OCD issue because I love the way the soaps smell and make my skin feel - scented & soft! I put the samples out on display in my bathroom (won't last for long since I'm devouring them!) and they left a light fragrance in my bathroom! Wonderful! Finding a good soap can be tricky. We've all dealt with soap dilemmas - some soaps do not produce a hearty lather, some leave you with residue aka soap scum looking skin, some leave you the opposite of what they claim - dry instead of moisturized... but not these bee-babies! They are the real deal. Janet's get up is Mom and Pop style, a small little store front from her home and online shop but charming and worth the standard rate price for homemade gift goodies. A small discount is given if bought from her home verse her online store but the online store specials! Check out: http://beezsoap.com

That's a wrap my friends! More treasure-box-treats as I slip into the season and lavish myself with love ; ) Top three Fall must haves: LOVE, winter squashes - all varieties and warm scarves! I feel the beautiful bundle and bounty from my head down to my toes! Activity of the Month: VOLUNTEERING and CLOSET CLEANING/DONATING to One Warm Coat http://www.onewarmcoat.org and local homeless shelters/low income organizations!

share & tell.

Earlier I wrote my Mom an important email with some serious stuff that needed to be said.

One of her replies (in response to the eating disorders I deal with and many health consequences and disabilities from them) included the sentence, "I know your life is a living hell."

When I read this I instantly jumped back and though to myself "No it's not! My life is a living SHARE AND TELL!"

Pessimism or positism - now that is the question. The way you view life reflects the way you live and will continue to live it. It also contributes to the ways you view yourself. My Mom is a very positive person so this comment caught me off guard. However, we all have our meltdowns and question our faith. We must try our hardest to keep our faith STRONG. The Lord will not give up on us so let's not give up on Him either.

1 Corinthians 15:13

"Remain alert. Keep standing firm in your faith. Keep on being courageous and strong."

Romans 15:1

"So those of us who have a strong [faith] must be patient with the weaknesses of those whose [faith] is not so strong. We must not think only of ourselves."

Hebrews 10:22

"--- let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ's blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water."

Deuteronomy 31:6

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

I called my Mom to tell her my little lingo (living share & tell bit) and she absolutely loved it! I said, "Mom, my life is not a living hell... it's a living SHARE & TELL which means I am living to share all the healing the Lord grants me so that I can share His healing powers with others in hopes of helping them (by the grace of God - whatever we can do to bring others to the Lord and who doesn't adore a good praise report?!) too!" She loved it so much she had me repeat my sappy-but-happy-spiel! I think at that moment in time both our hearts skipped a rhythmic beat in sweet sequence with one another. It was touching.

Speaking of touching, I want to share this You Tube video with you. If you have not heard of Nick Vujicic than you really need to. He inspires me - beyond words - to live a life of gratitude to the Lord. He's living a life without limbs that he views as positive not problematic. The Lord has gifted this man in so many ways and he has opened his heart and life to share & tell with others.

Watch this, you will be glad you did.

The message is clear.

Like a breath of fresh air...

ALL GLORY TO GOD!

Life? Improvement thanks to our loving Lord. I feel the joy of Jesus - the comfort of Christ. The Holy Spirit has come to help me: convict, guide, show me things and led me to God's Word for answers.

I got the Holy Hook up: Father, Son, Holy Spirit! I feel so blessed right now... no rants or rumbles but pure praise!

Repeat: ALL GLORY TO GOD!

(repeat x infinity amounts please)

And for you my friends a special passage from John 14:15-31 ~ Jesus speaks about the Holy Spirit. I am feeling very connected to Him right now and found this passage comforting! May the Lord dwell within your minds, hearts and souls. God bless!

John 14:15-31

Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit

15“If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 16And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper,^f to be with you forever, 17even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.

18“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. 21Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.” 22Judas (not Iscariot) said to him, “Lord, how is it that you will manifest yourself to us, and not to the world?” 23Jesus answered him, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. 24Whoever does not love me does not keep my words. And the word that you hear is not mine but the Father’s who sent me.

25“These things I have spoken to you while I am still with you. 26But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. 27Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. 28You heard me say to you, ‘I am going away, and I will come to you.’ If you loved me, you would have rejoiced, because I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. 29And now I have told you before it takes place, so that when it does take place you may believe. 30I will no longer talk much with you, for the ruler of this world is coming. He has no claim on me, 31but I do as the Father has commanded me, so that the world may know that I love the Father. Rise, let us go from here.

emotional roller coaster.

emotional roller coaster.

this image is perfect for how i am feeling right now. i have been on an an emotional roller coaster the last 2 days. there have been loops and turns, ups and downs, scares and screams... and this adventure inside hasn't been much of a joyride.

i am feeling overwhelmed.

GOD helps.

writing helps.

centering helps.

letting it out helps.

ever have a day where everything feels like one hot sweaty mess? or maybe like you've got too much on your plate right now ala over stuffed taco grande style where you go to take a bite and greasy grunge spills out both ends and leaves you with the need for a spoon. ha, i must laugh at myself for that one - for talking taco - but i'm trying to lighten a heavy load here.

tonight - tomorrow = time to relax. tonight mom will come over to watch "letters to God" which i heard was good. tomorrow 2 friends will be assisting me at my house with some services which i am sure will help me relax. the rest of the week is busy until saturday. today is monday and i'd like to set a goal or two for this week.

1. spend extra time in God's Word and i don't mean just reading Scriptures but doing some study as well...

2. don't over do it = very important i do not mentally or physically over do it with a busy week.

3. get done what needs to get done and then relax the rest of the evening.

no more bumpy or lumpy rides... smooth sailing please. you see, roller coasters will always be there but we don't have to be. i can chose to get on the ride and belt myself down OR i can choose to say "no thanks" to this one and pass.

Isaiah 40:31

"But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."

spill.

i am feeling... disconnected, disoriented and deranged. now, in order to make sure i am using the proper word, "deranged", i am going to go look up the definition of it. it's one of those words, yes indeed one of those words that is like "so totally 80s" but so totally what i think i am feeling right now. so sit tight while i go adventure dictionary.com...

it must be a d-thang because words coming up in definition include: disorder, disturb (the condition of) and disarrange. they also charm-fully (rolls eyes) throw in "to make insane" ... lovely.

ever feel that insatiable hunger for attention? like no matter what you are wanting, needing and wishing. you want to just leap into someone'a arms, anyone's arms, and say "hug me-hug me-hug me... love-me, love-me, love-me!" i guess what i am saying is that today i feel vulnerable and lonely. i have identified these feelings and was given a red flag (thank you Holy Spirit) to remind me that the world can't feed me the way Christ can. i can fill up my cup with the world but will never be satisfied for true soul satiety comes only through and from Christ. now all these great verses are popping in my head and i can feel the company and comfort of Christ already.

John 6:35

Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.

John 4:13-14

13Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Matthew 5:6

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

Psalm 107:9

For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

Psalm 63:5

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

nothing like a good Christ-cure. God's Word is so perfect. reading those verses right now is like taking a double dose of RX prescribed by Dr. God Himself. thank YOU LORD!

tonight i need to center. first, i'm changing the d-thang to a c-thang. i'm replacing all those d-words and devil's depression to c-thangs like Christ, candles and a cute clean Comcast comedy tonight for cheer. maybe some dante cuddles too but boy needs a bath, he is stinking right now.he will get one this new week ahead, no worries. as winnie the pooh would say, "oh bother" - i think this means i could use some cuddling even if he's a stink pot right now. ha, in the end we can both be stinky all for the sake of love : )

sounds like a solid plan. amazing what a little spilling can do and even more amazing how a few scriptures can really clean things up. thanks again God!

Patches.

The little bear that could...

not keep his emotions silenced.

To sit in silence is like dwelling in duct tape. It's almost midnight and my fingers told me they need a good chat before bed. They have much to say (type) and need someone to listen.

Earlier I came across a video that really upset me. The vulgar and sinful nature of it disturbed me and hurt my heart for the Lord. I have been noticing a lot of lack of care or respect for God coming from people - in public and online. It's as if people just don't care about the Lord nor wish to hear about Him or have anything to do with Him. It's very sad to see and hurts like a brick to the belly.

I wanted to react to this video. I wanted to roll my tongue and remembered this is not Christ like. The Lord helped me tame my tongue this time, glory to Him for that. Then I thought I might leave Scripture but I knew my intentions were not 100 percent in line with this gesture and declined. One of the scriptures I am referring to is Ephesians 4:29:

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

So, I prayed over this person, and a few others, and decided it would be best for God to have the say so here - not me. Who am I to judge? dictate? decide? We can influence each other but we can't save each other. When it all boils down to it, God is the only one that can truly judge us.

Psalm 75:7

It is God alone who judges; he decides who will rise and who will fall.

Mankind's opinion really shouldn't matter. The only real opinion that should matter is God's yet people are so gung-ho on what other's think... sometimes more concerned with what others think than what God Himself thinks. Somethings have really been corrupted. Why are we not one body in Christ like the Bible says? Why is there so much separation? Things seem to look more like a body with amputated limbs than a wholesome, solid, strong body working together to survive.

Romans 12:4-5

4Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

It's kind of like a patchwork quilt. If all of God's people were all loose patches - even if similar we all are of our own uniqueness that God created us to be - who would make the quilt? The sewer is God and He designs the quilt. He patches us together and in the end a beautiful blanket of diversity is formed. It's up to us to keep our threads strong, to keep connected and I don't just mean to one another but to God. It's crucial we stay connected to Christ. There are no God breaks or vacations! We must do our parts to remain in tact for the Lord - to love, serve and obey Him. There are great promises and rewards in return for His humble, obedient people.

Deuteronomy 7:9:

Understand, therefore, that the LORD your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands.

If any of this moved you then how about digging deeper and try taking on a solo assignment to further complete with Christ. Our assignment is to think of ourselves as patches of God's quilt. How are we representing ourselves? are we worthy of God's quilt? would we make a good addition to it? if not, how can we? Think about where you need improvements and pray over the ones you don't see. The Holy Spirit will show you. Don't be afraid to ask God for change. God can change anyone and anything. Don't give up hope. He can transform the most misplaced mind and soften the hardest of hearts.

Romans 12:2

2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Ezekiel 36:26

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

submission.

submission:

why is it so easy to submit to the world

yet so hard to truly submit to the Lord?

Romans 6:6

Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?

i listened to an amazing sermon on the Christian radio this morning. the sermon teaching got me thinking about obedience to the Lord. the preacher touched on topics of sin, submission and if our hearts are truly in line with the Lord. he mentioned the hypocrisy of, for example, going to church and singing praise to the Lord while your mind is thinking about OTHER THINGS, things other than the Lord. i call this the double road mind, you've got your thoughts and priorities driving in 2 different directions instead of taking a one way street to meet and greet God... and God only. instead it seems like most people are sinning, like above, instead of submitting.

today's teacher said something that struck me. he said, "sin is suicide to the heart." - it doesn't get more blunt than this. that is the real deal right there wrapped up in six shocking words. wouldn't it be beautiful to quit and just submit? to fully surrender and trust in the Lord? to give Him our ALL and by that i mean EVERYTHING just as He desires? just as He deserves... i can speak for myself and say that i want this more than anything yet i find it hard to reach this place of grace when i still have sin in my face.

Romans 7:21-25

21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

don't let my jazzy words distract you from the seriousness and importance of this post. we must all evaluate our hearts. we must all do a complete walk through to see what needs to be fixed. God sends the Holy Spirit to assist us in this walk through by convicting us in order to create change. God examines our hearts. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows our thoughts, there is no running from or fooling God. He's on 24 hour security patrol, watching us.

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.

Matthew 5:8

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

i like to start my journal entries with a picture. sometimes it can take me quite a bit of time to find the perfect picture but when i see it i know it. the images i chose go hand in hand with motivation to write. it's all part of the party package. everyone loves a good deal! anyhow, i was looking for "submission" images and was led to oriental fans. when i think of oriental fans i think of beauty, elegance, grace, power, submission, illusion, seduction, exposure, deception, secrets, display... and so on. they can be opened, they can be closed. they can be used in many ways depending on their purpose or their "owner's" intentions. without further articulation or explanation just think about it - think about how all these definitions can easily be applied to mankind. i challenge you, and myself, today to look at where we truly stand with the Lord. where is your heart? what are your intentions? what is your purpose?

Romans 6:28

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

if our insides are pure we will radiate when opened up like memorizing oriental fans. how outstanding to be outstretched - to be pushed beyond our human limits to a point where you know the only thing truly holding you up, strong and stable, is God. He is holding you together because you have laid yourself in His Holy Hands. you have submitted to Him so He can open you up!

1 Peter 5:6

Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, so that at the proper time he may exalt you.

Headache or Hellache?

Headache or Hellache?

I find this image disturbing - disturbing in a sense that when I look at it I think to myself "this is me!" I originally intended to search yahoo for a simple picture depicting a "headache" but came across this picture of what I am going to call a "hellache"... The pain and torment of this illustration out weighs - out blows - the pain and torment of the temple throb I feel on the left side of my face/head. I am finding it very hard to even look at to be quite honest but I know I must look at it. I know I must look at it because deep down inside I know I must face the emotions that are arising.

Reactions, many reactions:

A genderless image, a frail frame, weak posture, underweight, trapped and torture, head in hell or is that hell in head, about to break - living in mistake...living while dying.

Hold up. Let me say this again. I was not expecting this on this fine Saturday morning. I had no intentions of seeing this image or writing this blog entry. I have plans for a splendid sunshine Bible study with Mom in a few hours and some caring company but then this shows up during an innocent image search. I was thinking maybe the biggest blow might be a photo of a hammer to the head to articulate a headache but no my friends... this image goes beyond that. This is not a headache at all. This is a hellache and in response I am feeling heartache.

I do not want to get in too deep (in too emotional) this early in coming back to this blog. I am not ready for that and need to respect these feelings. I am, however, going to have to process some of these emotions in private with the Lord which I am going to go do here during spiritual stretching and prayer/meditation walk and talk time with God. I do this every morning but this morning I will focus more on these issues since I am face to face with them right now.

Maybe you are emotionally overwhelmed today too and need some comfort of Christ? For us I have a special gift: some selective Scripture sharing : ) Keyword: COMFORT! Your job? Read, absorb, embrace and give thanks. There is hope in the healing of the Lord. God bless you all today and always. May your hearts delight in the Lord and find the Peace of Jesus.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. "For My yoke is easy, and My load is light." Matthew 11:28-30

'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

unlock... the block.

Unlock... the block:

It has been six months... six months since I last wrote and within those six months I have thought about this blog with deep remembrance. However, I have failed to move forward with any urges I had to update it. Why? A lot of life changes can happen in six months, sometimes so many you don't know where to begin so you find yourself baffled and wound up in a web of writer's block resulting in writer's break.

Today I am challenging myself a new kind of break - a break of the lock of writer's block but as I lay in bed, delightfully dressed in my hello kitty best but beautifully in blue (thank you), I still don't know where to begin... where on earth to start?

Now, if you were to analyze this situation with a fine tooth comb you may find that even if my head is saying I haven't started - I actually have. The proof is in the paragraphs above. I have already created an outline to write and I feel an open road for my fingers to frollic. Don't you just love the magical connection you can have when thoughts flourish in abundance like a bountiful harvest in your head and wire their way into your fingertips, on to the keyboard and in compose boxes like this? Ah... I do!

I just belted in my belly at that mere thought that this might be the golden "one and only" for now... how it might be another six months before I even attempt another entry. I know that whatever I do I must seek assistance from God through prayer and conversation so He can speak to me and led me as to what's best for me and those who come in contact with me through my You Tube account and blog, etc. Awhile back I was sent a Scripture that convicted me (through the Holy Spirit) to change. I have used it as one of my "Scriptures to live by" since and have presumed a more calm and private life which is why I am a little skeptical about writing now. I don't want things to seem to be "all about me" and whatever I do, considering my state of mind and health, I want to do for the Lord.

2 Thessalonians 4:11-12

11Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, 12so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

There is my conviction, one of the many. I realize I have so many changes I still need to make through the help of Christ and when I am not stable I don't feel I project a health image as a Christian, or brother in Christ even, to do so. I can't fully fulfill my purpose as a servant of the Lord if I am still held hostage to sin. Let's stop there. Let's just say I am praying daily for true repentance and in the meantime doing whatever I know in my heart the Lord is leading me to do in order to minister and bring other's to Christ. I look forward to the day where I am happy and healthy and able to SHINE - to RADIATE - His love to others! There are limitations though right now as I go through catharsis through Christ.

So maybe I am not stable to run the shop but that doesn't mean I can't serve up a spiritual smoothie every now and then, eh? The corners of my mouth rise as I write this. The smirk on my face reassures me to take a deep breath and know that things are going to be okay. I have God... and He has me... according to as much as I am willing to give to Him. My heart's greatest desire is to give Him my all.

Thank you Lord for helping me unlock the block - be it for today, temporarily or for a long time... all I know according to your will and plan for me, always.

James 4:6-9

6But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 7Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

trust.

the first definition that comes up for trust through an online dictionary is this:

"reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence."

it seems to me like the quest for trust is only getting more difficult in the sense that it's getting harder and harder to trust people these days. maybe that's because as the days pass us by we are getting smarter and more mature through experience with trust and this experience provides us with more of a clue in on how and who to trust. i've learned that trust comes with an invisible warning label. it reads "caution: guard your heart"

have you ever realized how sacred your life really is? i mean seriously, it's YOUR life no other humans and it is dictated by 1. God and 2. you. not everyone allows God to run their life but ultimately He is the one in charge. He made you and He will take you according to His plan for you. mankind can never hold the power that God does, some think they can and try but sorry folks - a laughable long shot. a lot of people don't trust God for whatever reasons they may have. remember what Jesus said to comfort His disciples:

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." John 14:1

i feel that when we don't have God in our lives we have many voids... holes like swiss cheese! i hear fellow Christians claim that when you have God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit in your life, TRULY in your life, then there are no voids. i believe it but i don't feel it - yet at least - and i want it more than anything. our bodies must be of a home for the Holy Spirit to enter, live and dwell. i am in the process of a clean house sweep, a remodeling of the temple God granted me which i have highly abused throughout my life and i never even really thought of these concepts until i began to walk close with the Lord. i was just so use to worldy ways of living and coping through addiction - or rather numbing through it - that i didn't even realize this entire time i have been hurting God and shutting the front door of the temple HE created specifically for me - in His face. slam ... while i selfishly jepordized and took advantage of my temple while breaking it down. a home can only hold up so long. it requires upkeep and for this kind of home God is the upkeep. how can He get in though when the door is being slammed shut? and who wants to live in a house of havoc anyways? God will not come in when there is sin for sin is not of God and upsets Him. in Genesis 6 it describes how the wickedness of the world through fall of man to sin broke His heart. this passage always upsets me for Him:

" 5 The LORD saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. 6 The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain." Genesis 6:5-6

sure makes you think right? sure makes me feel. i most certainly do not want to keep Him out or go out according to sin that sabotages my salvation. for it is written:

"When I tell righteous people that they will live, but then they sin, expecting their past righteousness to save them, then none of their righteous acts will be remembered. I will destroy them for their sins." Ezekiel 33:13

therefore, repentance is important. it's crucial. it's critical like the breath you breathe - repentance is just as important. God is a loving Lord who forgives snd because of Christ's cruxifiction are sins can be history and our lives through Christ can be victory!

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

this house needs many repairs but faith and trust in God gives me hope that if i continue to let go and let God He will come through as my Holy Handyman and restore and renew what has been broken.

it is hard to trust mankind but it shouldn't be hard to trust God. He wants nothing but the best for us and His intentions are always pure... the intentions and motives of mankind are not always pure and honestly can't always be trusted. with that being said, i am trying more to keep to myself and close Christian friends while living for the Lord so i can live WITH the Lord.

i will leave you with a powerful passage - the kind we should all live by - that was sent to me yesterday under confused conditions. i now understand the message i missed while being caught in my own head.

"11 Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, 12 so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody." 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

may this message reach you too and may we all live lives according to what's most pleasing to God.

excuse me, are you Jesus?

The following passage was sent to me today by a Christian friend on You Tube. I was so touched and taken by this that I just HAD to share it.

Excuse me, are you Jesus?

A few years ago a group of salesmen went to a regional sales convention in Chicago . They had assured their wives that they would be home in plenty of time for Friday night's dinner. In their rush, with tickets and briefcases, one of these salesmen inadvertently kicked over a table which held a display of apples. Apples flew everywhere. Without stopping or looking back, they all managed to reach the plane in time for their nearly missed boarding. ALL BUT ONE !!! He paused, took a deep breath, and experienced a twinge of compassion for the girl whose apple stand had been overturned.

He told his buddies to go on without him, waved good-bye, told one of them to call his wife when they arrived at their home destination and explain his taking a later flight. Then he returned to the terminal where the apples were all over the terminal floor.
He was glad he did.

The 16 year old girl was totally blind! She was softly crying, tears running down her cheeks in frustration, and at the same time helplessly groping for her spilled produce as the crowd swirled about her, no one stopping and no one to care for her plight.

The salesman knelt on the floor with her, gathered up the apples, put them back on the table and helped organize her display. As he did this, he noticed that many of them had become battered and bruised; these he set aside in another basket.
When he had finished, he pulled out his wallet and said to the girl, 'Here, please take this $40 for the damage we did. Are you okay?' She nodded through her tears. He continued on with, 'I hope we didn't spoil your day too badly.'

As the salesman started to walk away, the bewildered blind girl called out to him, 'Mister....' He paused and turned to look back into those blind eyes. She continued, 'Are you Jesus?'

He stopped in mid-stride, and he wondered. Then slowly he made his way to catch the later flight with that question burning and bouncing about in his soul: 'Are you Jesus?' Do people mistake you for Jesus?
That's our Destiny, is it not? To be so much like Jesus that people cannot tell the difference as we live and interact with a world that is blind to His love, life and grace.

If we claim to know Him, we should live, walk and act as He would.

Knowing Him is more than simply quoting Scripture and going to church. It's actually living the Word as life unfolds day to day.

We are the apple of His eye even though we, too, have been bruised by a fall. He stopped what He was doing and picked you and me up on a hill called Calvary and paid in full for our damaged fruit.

Isn't that gorgeous? May each and every person reading this come to know the Lord (if you haven't already) and start a life transforming journey with Jesus!!! Living for the Lord my friends!!!

1 Timothy 1: 1-6

^"1I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— ²for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. ³This is good, and pleases God our Savior, ⁴who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. ⁵For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, ⁶who gave himself as a ransom for all men—the testimony given in its proper time."