Wednesday, October 13, 2010

share & tell.

Earlier I wrote my Mom an important email with some serious stuff that needed to be said.

One of her replies (in response to the eating disorders I deal with and many health consequences and disabilities from them) included the sentence, "I know your life is a living hell."

When I read this I instantly jumped back and though to myself "No it's not! My life is a living SHARE AND TELL!"

Pessimism or positism - now that is the question. The way you view life reflects the way you live and will continue to live it. It also contributes to the ways you view yourself. My Mom is a very positive person so this comment caught me off guard. However, we all have our meltdowns and question our faith. We must try our hardest to keep our faith STRONG. The Lord will not give up on us so let's not give up on Him either.

1 Corinthians 15:13
"Remain alert. Keep standing firm in your faith. Keep on being courageous and strong."

Romans 15:1
"So those of us who have a strong [faith] must be patient with the weaknesses of those whose [faith] is not so strong. We must not think only of ourselves."

Hebrews 10:22
"--- let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ's blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water."

Deuteronomy 31:6
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

I called my Mom to tell her my little lingo (living share & tell bit) and she absolutely loved it! I said, "Mom, my life is not a living hell... it's a living SHARE & TELL which means I am living to share all the healing the Lord grants me so that I can share His healing powers with others in hopes of helping them (by the grace of God - whatever we can do to bring others to the Lord and who doesn't adore a good praise report?!) too!" She loved it so much she had me repeat my sappy-but-happy-spiel! I think at that moment in time both our hearts skipped a rhythmic beat in sweet sequence with one another. It was touching.

Speaking of touching, I want to share this You Tube video with you. If you have not heard of Nick Vujicic than you really need to. He inspires me - beyond words - to live a life of gratitude to the Lord. He's living a life without limbs that he views as positive not problematic. The Lord has gifted this man in so many ways and he has opened his heart and life to share & tell with others.

Watch this, you will be glad you did.

The message is clear.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Like a breath of fresh air...


Life? Improvement thanks to our loving Lord. I feel the joy of Jesus - the comfort of Christ. The Holy Spirit has come to help me: convict, guide, show me things and led me to God's Word for answers.

I got the Holy Hook up: Father, Son, Holy Spirit! I feel so blessed right now... no rants or rumbles but pure praise!

(repeat x infinity amounts please)

And for you my friends a special passage from John 14:15-31 ~ Jesus speaks about the Holy Spirit. I am feeling very connected to Him right now and found this passage comforting! May the Lord dwell within your minds, hearts and souls. God bless!

John 14:15-31
Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit

15“If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 16And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper,f to be with you forever, 17even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.

18“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. 21Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.” 22Judas (not Iscariot) said to him, “Lord, how is it that you will manifest yourself to us, and not to the world?” 23Jesus answered him, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. 24Whoever does not love me does not keep my words. And the word that you hear is not mine but the Father’s who sent me.

25“These things I have spoken to you while I am still with you. 26But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. 27Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. 28You heard me say to you, ‘I am going away, and I will come to you.’ If you loved me, you would have rejoiced, because I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. 29And now I have told you before it takes place, so that when it does take place you may believe. 30I will no longer talk much with you, for the ruler of this world is coming. He has no claim on me, 31but I do as the Father has commanded me, so that the world may know that I love the Father. Rise, let us go from here.

Monday, October 11, 2010

emotional roller coaster.

emotional roller coaster.

this image is perfect for how i am feeling right now. i have been on an an emotional roller coaster the last 2 days. there have been loops and turns, ups and downs, scares and screams... and this adventure inside hasn't been much of a joyride.

i am feeling overwhelmed.
GOD helps.
writing helps.
centering helps.
letting it out helps.

ever have a day where everything feels like one hot sweaty mess? or maybe like you've got too much on your plate right now ala over stuffed taco grande style where you go to take a bite and greasy grunge spills out both ends and leaves you with the need for a spoon. ha, i must laugh at myself for that one - for talking taco - but i'm trying to lighten a heavy load here.

tonight - tomorrow = time to relax. tonight mom will come over to watch "letters to God" which i heard was good. tomorrow 2 friends will be assisting me at my house with some services which i am sure will help me relax. the rest of the week is busy until saturday. today is monday and i'd like to set a goal or two for this week.

1. spend extra time in God's Word and i don't mean just reading Scriptures but doing some study as well...

2. don't over do it = very important i do not mentally or physically over do it with a busy week.

3. get done what needs to get done and then relax the rest of the evening.

no more bumpy or lumpy rides... smooth sailing please. you see, roller coasters will always be there but we don't have to be. i can chose to get on the ride and belt myself down OR i can choose to say "no thanks" to this one and pass.

Isaiah 40:31
"But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."

Sunday, October 10, 2010


i am feeling... disconnected, disoriented and deranged. now, in order to make sure i am using the proper word, "deranged", i am going to go look up the definition of it. it's one of those words, yes indeed one of those words that is like "so totally 80s" but so totally what i think i am feeling right now. so sit tight while i go adventure

it must be a d-thang because words coming up in definition include: disorder, disturb (the condition of) and disarrange. they also charm-fully (rolls eyes) throw in "to make insane" ... lovely.

ever feel that insatiable hunger for attention? like no matter what you are wanting, needing and wishing. you want to just leap into someone'a arms, anyone's arms, and say "hug me-hug me-hug me... love-me, love-me, love-me!" i guess what i am saying is that today i feel vulnerable and lonely. i have identified these feelings and was given a red flag (thank you Holy Spirit) to remind me that the world can't feed me the way Christ can. i can fill up my cup with the world but will never be satisfied for true soul satiety comes only through and from Christ. now all these great verses are popping in my head and i can feel the company and comfort of Christ already.

John 6:35
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.

John 4:13-14
13Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Matthew 5:6
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

Psalm 107:9
For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

Psalm 63:5
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

nothing like a good Christ-cure. God's Word is so perfect. reading those verses right now is like taking a double dose of RX prescribed by Dr. God Himself. thank YOU LORD!

tonight i need to center. first, i'm changing the d-thang to a c-thang. i'm replacing all those d-words and devil's depression to c-thangs like Christ, candles and a cute clean Comcast comedy tonight for cheer. maybe some dante cuddles too but boy needs a bath, he is stinking right now.he will get one this new week ahead, no worries. as winnie the pooh would say, "oh bother" - i think this means i could use some cuddling even if he's a stink pot right now. ha, in the end we can both be stinky all for the sake of love : )

sounds like a solid plan. amazing what a little spilling can do and even more amazing how a few scriptures can really clean things up. thanks again God!

Friday, October 8, 2010


The little bear that could...

not keep his emotions silenced.

To sit in silence is like dwelling in duct tape. It's almost midnight and my fingers told me they need a good chat before bed. They have much to say (type) and need someone to listen.

Earlier I came across a video that really upset me. The vulgar and sinful nature of it disturbed me and hurt my heart for the Lord. I have been noticing a lot of lack of care or respect for God coming from people - in public and online. It's as if people just don't care about the Lord nor wish to hear about Him or have anything to do with Him. It's very sad to see and hurts like a brick to the belly.

I wanted to react to this video. I wanted to roll my tongue and remembered this is not Christ like. The Lord helped me tame my tongue this time, glory to Him for that. Then I thought I might leave Scripture but I knew my intentions were not 100 percent in line with this gesture and declined. One of the scriptures I am referring to is Ephesians 4:29:

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

So, I prayed over this person, and a few others, and decided it would be best for God to have the say so here - not me. Who am I to judge? dictate? decide? We can influence each other but we can't save each other. When it all boils down to it, God is the only one that can truly judge us.

Psalm 75:7

It is God alone who judges; he decides who will rise and who will fall.

Mankind's opinion really shouldn't matter. The only real opinion that should matter is God's yet people are so gung-ho on what other's think... sometimes more concerned with what others think than what God Himself thinks. Somethings have really been corrupted. Why are we not one body in Christ like the Bible says? Why is there so much separation? Things seem to look more like a body with amputated limbs than a wholesome, solid, strong body working together to survive.

Romans 12:4-5

4Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

It's kind of like a patchwork quilt. If all of God's people were all loose patches - even if similar we all are of our own uniqueness that God created us to be - who would make the quilt? The sewer is God and He designs the quilt. He patches us together and in the end a beautiful blanket of diversity is formed. It's up to us to keep our threads strong, to keep connected and I don't just mean to one another but to God. It's crucial we stay connected to Christ. There are no God breaks or vacations! We must do our parts to remain in tact for the Lord - to love, serve and obey Him. There are great promises and rewards in return for His humble, obedient people.

Deuteronomy 7:9:

Understand, therefore, that the LORD your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands.

If any of this moved you then how about digging deeper and try taking on a solo assignment to further complete with Christ. Our assignment is to think of ourselves as patches of God's quilt. How are we representing ourselves? are we worthy of God's quilt? would we make a good addition to it? if not, how can we? Think about where you need improvements and pray over the ones you don't see. The Holy Spirit will show you. Don't be afraid to ask God for change. God can change anyone and anything. Don't give up hope. He can transform the most misplaced mind and soften the hardest of hearts.

Romans 12:2

2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Ezekiel 36:26

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

Sunday, October 3, 2010


why is it so easy to submit to the world
yet so hard to truly submit to the Lord?

Romans 6:6
Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?

i listened to an amazing sermon on the Christian radio this morning. the sermon teaching got me thinking about obedience to the Lord. the preacher touched on topics of sin, submission and if our hearts are truly in line with the Lord. he mentioned the hypocrisy of, for example, going to church and singing praise to the Lord while your mind is thinking about OTHER THINGS, things other than the Lord. i call this the double road mind, you've got your thoughts and priorities driving in 2 different directions instead of taking a one way street to meet and greet God... and God only. instead it seems like most people are sinning, like above, instead of submitting.

today's teacher said something that struck me. he said, "sin is suicide to the heart." - it doesn't get more blunt than this. that is the real deal right there wrapped up in six shocking words. wouldn't it be beautiful to quit and just submit? to fully surrender and trust in the Lord? to give Him our ALL and by that i mean EVERYTHING just as He desires? just as He deserves... i can speak for myself and say that i want this more than anything yet i find it hard to reach this place of grace when i still have sin in my face.

Romans 7:21-25
21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

don't let my jazzy words distract you from the seriousness and importance of this post. we must all evaluate our hearts. we must all do a complete walk through to see what needs to be fixed. God sends the Holy Spirit to assist us in this walk through by convicting us in order to create change. God examines our hearts. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows our thoughts, there is no running from or fooling God. He's on 24 hour security patrol, watching us.

Psalm 51:10
Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.

Matthew 5:8
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

i like to start my journal entries with a picture. sometimes it can take me quite a bit of time to find the perfect picture but when i see it i know it. the images i chose go hand in hand with motivation to write. it's all part of the party package. everyone loves a good deal! anyhow, i was looking for "submission" images and was led to oriental fans. when i think of oriental fans i think of beauty, elegance, grace, power, submission, illusion, seduction, exposure, deception, secrets, display... and so on. they can be opened, they can be closed. they can be used in many ways depending on their purpose or their "owner's" intentions. without further articulation or explanation just think about it - think about how all these definitions can easily be applied to mankind. i challenge you, and myself, today to look at where we truly stand with the Lord. where is your heart? what are your intentions? what is your purpose?

Romans 6:28
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

if our insides are pure we will radiate when opened up like memorizing oriental fans. how outstanding to be outstretched - to be pushed beyond our human limits to a point where you know the only thing truly holding you up, strong and stable, is God. He is holding you together because you have laid yourself in His Holy Hands. you have submitted to Him so He can open you up!

1 Peter 5:6
Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, so that at the proper time he may exalt you.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Headache or Hellache?

View Image Headache or Hellache?

I find this image disturbing - disturbing in a sense that when I look at it I think to myself "this is me!" I originally intended to search yahoo for a simple picture depicting a "headache" but came across this picture of what I am going to call a "hellache"... The pain and torment of this illustration out weighs - out blows - the pain and torment of the temple throb I feel on the left side of my face/head. I am finding it very hard to even look at to be quite honest but I know I must look at it. I know I must look at it because deep down inside I know I must face the emotions that are arising.

Reactions, many reactions:
A genderless image, a frail frame, weak posture, underweight, trapped and torture, head in hell or is that hell in head, about to break - living in while dying.

Hold up. Let me say this again. I was not expecting this on this fine Saturday morning. I had no intentions of seeing this image or writing this blog entry. I have plans for a splendid sunshine Bible study with Mom in a few hours and some caring company but then this shows up during an innocent image search. I was thinking maybe the biggest blow might be a photo of a hammer to the head to articulate a headache but no my friends... this image goes beyond that. This is not a headache at all. This is a hellache and in response I am feeling heartache.

I do not want to get in too deep (in too emotional) this early in coming back to this blog. I am not ready for that and need to respect these feelings. I am, however, going to have to process some of these emotions in private with the Lord which I am going to go do here during spiritual stretching and prayer/meditation walk and talk time with God. I do this every morning but this morning I will focus more on these issues since I am face to face with them right now.

Maybe you are emotionally overwhelmed today too and need some comfort of Christ? For us I have a special gift: some selective Scripture sharing : ) Keyword: COMFORT! Your job? Read, absorb, embrace and give thanks. There is hope in the healing of the Lord. God bless you all today and always. May your hearts delight in the Lord and find the Peace of Jesus.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. "For My yoke is easy, and My load is light." Matthew 11:28-30

'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Friday, October 1, 2010

unlock... the block.

View Image Unlock... the block:

It has been six months... six months since I last wrote and within those six months I have thought about this blog with deep remembrance. However, I have failed to move forward with any urges I had to update it. Why? A lot of life changes can happen in six months, sometimes so many you don't know where to begin so you find yourself baffled and wound up in a web of writer's block resulting in writer's break.

Today I am challenging myself a new kind of break - a break of the lock of writer's block but as I lay in bed, delightfully dressed in my hello kitty best but beautifully in blue (thank you), I still don't know where to begin... where on earth to start?

Now, if you were to analyze this situation with a fine tooth comb you may find that even if my head is saying I haven't started - I actually have. The proof is in the paragraphs above. I have already created an outline to write and I feel an open road for my fingers to frollic. Don't you just love the magical connection you can have when thoughts flourish in abundance like a bountiful harvest in your head and wire their way into your fingertips, on to the keyboard and in compose boxes like this? Ah... I do!

I just belted in my belly at that mere thought that this might be the golden "one and only" for now... how it might be another six months before I even attempt another entry. I know that whatever I do I must seek assistance from God through prayer and conversation so He can speak to me and led me as to what's best for me and those who come in contact with me through my You Tube account and blog, etc. Awhile back I was sent a Scripture that convicted me (through the Holy Spirit) to change. I have used it as one of my "Scriptures to live by" since and have presumed a more calm and private life which is why I am a little skeptical about writing now. I don't want things to seem to be "all about me" and whatever I do, considering my state of mind and health, I want to do for the Lord.

2 Thessalonians 4:11-12

11Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, 12so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

There is my conviction, one of the many. I realize I have so many changes I still need to make through the help of Christ and when I am not stable I don't feel I project a health image as a Christian, or brother in Christ even, to do so. I can't fully fulfill my purpose as a servant of the Lord if I am still held hostage to sin. Let's stop there. Let's just say I am praying daily for true repentance and in the meantime doing whatever I know in my heart the Lord is leading me to do in order to minister and bring other's to Christ. I look forward to the day where I am happy and healthy and able to SHINE - to RADIATE - His love to others! There are limitations though right now as I go through catharsis through Christ.

So maybe I am not stable to run the shop but that doesn't mean I can't serve up a spiritual smoothie every now and then, eh? The corners of my mouth rise as I write this. The smirk on my face reassures me to take a deep breath and know that things are going to be okay. I have God... and He has me... according to as much as I am willing to give to Him. My heart's greatest desire is to give Him my all.

Thank you Lord for helping me unlock the block - be it for today, temporarily or for a long time... all I know according to your will and plan for me, always.

James 4:6-9
6But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 7Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.