Tuesday, January 19, 2010

farewell fuyu.

farewell fuyu, i will miss you.

i recently got over my phobia of persimmons. i know, i know, you are probably thinking "persimmon phobia, what!?" don't worry, i would be too. maybe i should explain.

awhile back i had a fall out in whole foods market and when i say fall out i literally mean fall out. i had just gotten done eating a satisfying raw meal at whole foods and was shopping solo in the store after. i haven't eaten or shopped at whole foods in so long that this must of been more than, let's say, four years ago. i was in the produce section skipping with my cart, full of energy and as happy as a bumble bee (yes bumble bees are happy, who wouldn't be if they could suck on flowers all day and freely fly the sky!?). they had just gotten done putting out all the free fruit samples aka what one of my close homeless friends calls "free meals at whole foods" and i noticed persimmon samples. i had never tried a persimmon in all 20 something years of my life. i had seen them, even touched them but had never eaten them. they are quite cute if you ask me. they remind me of an exotic looking mix of an apple and pumpking shacking up and making babies. pop goes the persimmon! anyhow, the rest of the story goes like this: johnny sees persmission sample, johnny takes a slice, bites, chews, swallows, starts to walk away while trying to figure out if he likes the taste or not and within about a minute gets dizzy and falls into a fruit stand. oh man was this embarrassing. eventually super mom comes to the rescue and takes me to the er where i spend the rest of my evening getting my usual emergency potassium-pump (potassium drip IV) due to chronic hypokalemia.

to that day i related the persimmon slice to passing out in public and developed a fear of ever trying another persimmon again. i convinced myself i may of had a food allergy to them and didn't want to risk what happened in whole foods to ever happen again. so i went years abstinent from a fruit i just recently learned to love.

funny how we convince and condition ourselves, how fears are not as great as they may seem yet when you are in the fear you feel as small as an ant compared to fear - the giant. so you hide and find safety and security in whatever you can to protect yourself. this is intuitive survival mechanism and we grow accustom to things that allow us to run, to hide, to not push through because it is easier this way even if the outcome is detrimental. it often doesn't matter because when pain and discomfort come most people do not want to feel it and want the easy way out. when a pattern has already been created permission has already been given so it's easy to lean on behaviors that often become dependent, ritualistic and addictive.

today i came home to a bag full of persimmons, 12 to be exact, some with small branches still in tact... my favorite visual! my mom hand picked them from an open lot and brought them over while i was out. i was very pleased to see the presence of these persimmons because their season is just now ending and after a few short months of confronting my persimmon phobia - i feel i have mastered recovery from it enough to throughly enjoy persimmons. how did this happen? well to be honest i had forgotten what they tasted like. i had only had a small slice anyways which didn't give me a clear idea of their flavor. i kept asking around to see if someone could give me a distinct description of how they tasted. no one could but they raved about how delicious they are and i become a little annoyed not knowing for myself. i began to see them out in season, arranged like cute little pumpkins in a patch and decided one day that i was going to buy one. so i bought one, just one, and took it home and mustered the courage to bite into it. keep in mind i was holding on to my kitchen counter for dear life just in case i did black out again, you must laugh with me on this one as i do not think i have ever held on to anything that close before in my entire life. imagine me hunched over my kitchen counter with a persimmon in one hand and my cell phone in another (in case i had to call 911 snow white style) ...

i ate the persimmon. i did not pass out and in the end - fear was not greater than me. fear became the ant and i became the giant. now it is the one cautiously crawling into a cave to hide, not i.

psalm 27:3
" Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident."

when life gives you a bowl of persimmons... eat them!

ps. a ripe semi soften fuyu persimmon tastes like a mild cinnamon sprinkled sweet potato.

heart to heart: your question to ask yourself is...

what are you hiding from?