Friday, January 29, 2010

pyschological stoplights.

There is an old Kenny Roger's song called "Coward of the County"... My Father and I use to love to sing this song on the way home from school. I remember the old El Camino, speedy freeway travels, dirty blonde falling curls, images outside my window, the singing, the laughter, the misunderstanding, the potential connection - the potential relationship in which we never really had. This song though was like a twig in the mouth of a dove of peace, it brought me hope. There are some lyrics that I have never forgotten, they go like this: "You've got to know when to hold em', know when to fold em', know when to walk away, know when to run..." There is also a very popuplar and wise saying that really is important to live by, "If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say it at all!"

Where am I going with this? I am honestly sick and tired of coming to my computer to check messages and every day there is at least one to a few rude and negative energy comments or drama intended to attack and harass me when I did nothing to annunciate or intentionally provoke this. It just happens out of the blue and makes me think why people feel the need so strongly and so self seekingly to go bully others and try to bring them down. It's generally due to their own inner demons, issues and methods of projecting and displacing them. It's SAD. Why even waste the time and energy? If you don't like someone's videos or personality then simply don't follow them. It's not hard to not go on someone's page if you don't care for who they are or what they have to say. What gives people the right to judge anyways? I think judgement is a big word that can be a lot of things. I associate the word judgement with negative things. There is a big difference between forming a natural and healthy opinion on people and things and forming judgement on people and things. There are also mature and immature ways to handle our thoughts and opinions.

Judgement happens, we all do it but it feels pretty rotten when it's done to us so this is something we should all keep in mind prior to acting out on judgmental thoughts. Even a few short words can feel like stones thrown at your back. Cruel, unGodly intentions can hurt.

I will stop myself in thought here and divert my focus to the fact that I must sink in my own words. I can own up to my behaviors and will admit that within the last month or so I have had a couple encounters where I really should of done what I call the "yellow light, red light, green light" approach verse not thinking clearly and mindfully enough prior to reacting to something or someone that evoked emotions and feelings inside of me. The yellow light reminds you to slow down and get prepared to stop. The red light reminds us to stop, allow your feelings to come up, process those feelings, think mindfully about how you want and should react or if you even should voice your reaction all while remaining calm, content and mature in the process. The green light then tells you which direction to go, which action to make.

Having a voice is a powerful thing and the power to exert that voice is a privilege. However, is voicing our opinions always necessary? especially when other people's feelings are on the lines? sometimes people who really didn't do anything at all and what is really going on is some kind of trigger for the person themself and not anyone else yet it's so easy to take it out on others. Maybe they see something in someone else that reminds them of them self or someone else. Maybe it connects them with a bad memories, trauma, pain, etc. Maybe they want something you have, maybe they are jealous and envious. Maybe they have been abused and feel the need to speak up each and everytime as a form of reclaiming power and control. Maybe they are seeking self validation or esteem and feel this is the only way to achieve it. Maybe this is a long developed defense mechanism. Maybe they have a problem slowing down, stopping and evaluating how their words are going to represent them and benefit others. Maybe this and maybe that, whatever the case may be it's not acceptable to intentionally verbalize hurt to others.

I am listening to Michael Andrews song "Mad World" at the moment, it's beautiful and the melody is one I find soul soothing. A mad world, it really seems to be at times. Anger and resentment are 2 of the most toxic feelings to harbor within ourselves. Oh what a joy it would be if we could all just breathe, love and be happy - and share it with one another.

I ask that anyone who was led to read this today to consider the possibility of opening your hearts and minds - consider taking the yellow, red and green light approach next time you are presented or put in a situation where you've got a strong reaction and feel the need to voice it. I will do the same because really this all boils down to self control, dignity, respect for oneself and others, the power of freedom of speech and the ways it can effect all those involved. The rushed-rapid-response-reaction is something I consider a default of character and one I am truly trying to lift over to God. It really is a form of defense and judgment, for whatever reasons, and does not serve me or others healthy or positive purpose. I would eventually like to be at a point where if it isn't of or from God then it shouldn't be coming out of my mouth and instead all thoughts should be given over to God not voiced in a way that is spewed violently like verbal-vomit. We should all take advantage of the discernment to know when to "hold em" and know when to "fold em".

Luke 6:37 (New International Version)

Judging Others
37"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 28 Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue."


Proverbs 17:27-28 (New International Version)

27"A man of knowledge uses words with restraint,
and a man of understanding is even-tempered. 28 Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue."


♥HEART TO HEART♥ TODAY'S assignment:

Get a writing tool and piece of paper (or type) and write out a past situation where you could have benefited from the yellow, red, green light approach. Make sure you properly address the incident, your reactive feelings, your reactions to those feelings/behavior in response, how it effected you and the other person or people and how you could of changed things on your behalf to slow down and think more mindfully. This assignment may help you acknowledge your own behaviors, process your emotions and release what is meant to be released. It will also help prep you for future situations because you are putting energy into brainstorming change.